39 Weeks

Jasper would say that we are now at Defcon 4. I think that sounds a little extreme, but will acknowledge that we have reached a fairly high state of readiness. Now that I know (sort of...) what contractions are like, I realize that I am indeed having quite a few of them. Often five minutes apart, even! But they still aren’t intensifying or organizing themselves into a baby-eviction mission. So, we mostly wait.

I’m starting to suspect that this is much more boring for others than it is for me. I mean, I’m basically staycationing for the first time in my adult life. It’s pretty great. And I’ve started sleeping through the night more! So, I mean, maybe work was my problem all along? But I realize that for others, I am just still gigantically pregnant. BORING! DO SOMETHING NEW, WOMAN! I assure you, I would go into labor if I could. I’m an ENFJ, after all -- the compulsion to perform is strong.

The good news is that Baby H is a very impressive fruit this week. A mini-watermelon! How cute is that? This cute:

Meanwhile my belly is this... cute? Ahem, yeah.

That picture was taken after a lovely dinner date with my baby’s daddy. Because our dinner-date days are numbered! So we have to go now, while we have all this freedom! We also used our freedom this weekend to go on an adventure to Danville. There, we ate delicious pizza that Jasper wasn’t really all that excited about:

And also got some treats at the bakery. The driving force behind the adventure was my desire for an apple fritter. Apple fritters are my favorite baked good of all time, and I haven’t had one in years, because no one makes gluten-free apple fritters. I mean, obviously. But Miglets, in Danville, does. ALLEGEDLY. I really couldn’t say for sure, because they were all out of them when we arrived! I actually stood in a momentary state of shock when the bakery-guy told me. I don’t think he realized that he had pretty much ruined my adventure. I was really remarkably mature about it and ordered some other stuff. The bakery, which is now the target of my apple-fritter-deprived resentment:

Number of contractions I’ve had this week: lots, I think, now that I sort of know what I’m looking for
Number of painful contractions I’ve had this week: maybe six?

How imminent labor felt on Thursday: very!
How imminent labor feels right now: not at all
How Jasper feels about probably having to go to work tomorrow instead of having a baby: pretty cranky

Number of potentially labor-inspiring walks Jasper has taken me on this weekend: 2
Number of potentially labor-inspiring bowls of very spicy soup I have consumed: 1
Number of potentially labor-inspiring bathroom-scrubbings I have done: 2

Number of movies we have gone to, knowing that movie-going will soon be a more complicated (i.e. impossible) endeavor: 2
Number of buckets of popcorn we have consumed at these movies: 2
Interesting thing we learned about the popcorn: it is much tastier at matinee-showings

Number of pies I have baked and frozen in anticipation of having a tiny newborn on Thanksgiving, but also needing pie, because it’s fine to skip turkey and all the rest, but pie is non-negotiable: 1

Number of pages we have left in Cryptonomicon: zero! But that has been the case for nearly a week, so apparently finishing the book was not the key to going into labor


Watermelon photo: Baby Center

38 Weeks

One of the things I did not want to do during this pregnancy was to go into labor at my office. In particular, I did not want my water to break in unlikely-but-dramatic, Hollywood fashion. You see, we have this carpet at work that stains if you look at it funny. For serious, a small splash of water causes a permanent stain. So we theorized that a dramatic-Hollywood-style water-breaking would leave a giant, permanent stain and people could forever point and say, “Yeah, that’s where Suzanne had her baby.” Because, as I’m sure you know, as soon as your water breaks, the baby falls out.

Well, the good news is that I will not be going into labor at the office, because I am now officially on maternity leave. In fact, according to the state, I am officially disabled and have been for two weeks. And this makes me wonder why my baby’s daddy did not refill my coffee cup when he got up to refill his.

This week is again rather disappointing in produce. Baby H is as long as a leek. Which is really quite long when you think about it. This explains why he is mostly bunched up, but also quite assertive about trying to expand my uterus in all directions. Everything I read says that his movements are becoming more muffled and less frequent, due to his extremely cramped quarters. This is still not happening! Instead, he is moving with the same level of enthusiasm, but now he is, you know, a basically full-grown, brawny infant. As a result, I mean, ouch.

His efforts are not going unrewarded, however. As is evident, he is indeed expanding my uterus on the daily.

Pretty breathtaking, isn’t it? On Friday, my last day of work, people said these things, many of which were really lovely things to say to the gigantically pregnant and as such were probably lies, but I don't care (See: Suz and flattery):

“That just looks physically impossible.”

“You remind me how flipping weird pregnancy is.”

“You are too small to carry that belly... how in the world is your back holding up?”

“How is is that you still have a bounce in your step? You should clearly be waddling.”

“Wow. I mean...”

And truthfully, my back has started to get a bit sore in the afternoons. That this just recently started is pretty amazing, given that I have a really terrible back (or I thought I did). I feel very lucky that it waited this long to complain, and also that I don’t have to sit in a desk all day anymore.

Number of people who have touched the belly: 24
Number of contractions I felt this week: probably around a dozen?

Number of weeks until my maternity leave starts: zero (0)
Number of months until I return to work: 6
Number of reports I drafted in the final hour before I went on leave: 1
Number of boxes required to pack up the contents of my cubicle: 2 (My whole office is moving across the Bay while I am on leave!)

Number of pieces of Halloween candy I consumed this week: a lot

Number of mobiles in Baby H’s room: 2
Number of nerdy posters in Baby H’s room: 3

Number of pages we have left in Cryptonomicon: 34 (Jasper has a theory that Baby H will not come out until we finish the book, because clearly he is eager to hear the ending and maybe thinks the reading is only happening inside the belly?)

Leek photo: Baby Center