Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Maternity leave report #1

Monday was my first day of maternity leave, seeing as how I am officially disabled. But also seeing as how my boss made it fairly clear that he would prefer that no labor events take place in the office. So, now, my baby’s daddy is twiddling his thumbs and impatiently waiting, while I am enjoying whatever days of leisure Baby H elects to give me before he makes his grand entrance.

Since some of you have told me that you very much enjoy mundane posts about what the heck I do with my time and what goes on in my brain-parts when I am not talking, well... here you go.

On day #1, I did these things:

  1. Woke up at 4:44. (So silly.)
  2. Made coffee and lunch for my baby’s daddy. (By the way, I do this every day... this was not special on-leave behavior. Wasn’t he so smart to marry me?)
  3. Ate the slow kind of oatmeal for breakfast.
  4. Caught up on my Google Reader.
  5. Considered taking a nap, but abandoned the plan when my body did not want to nap.
  6. Washed our sheets.
  7. Did another load of laundry, which included the seat cover from my car and the dog towels.
  8. Dragged the trash cans in from the curb. All three of them!
  9. Ran (and emptied!) the dishwasher.
  10. Swept Reese’s fuzz off the floors.
  11. Ate a pear and a cheesy rice cake and probably some other stuff too.
  12. Cleaned a bathroom sink, then decided I was not in the mood for more bathroom-cleaning business.
  13. Took my car to the car wash place to have it cleaned only to discover that they are closed on Mondays. What is it with being closed on Mondays?
  14. Wandered around the makeup section at the Rite Aid, but didn’t buy anything. Came closest on some yellow nail polish, but failed to commit.
  15. Bought some half-n-half, butter, salad greens, and cheese at the market.
  16. Made baked potatoes and salad for dinner. Because it was Monday and that’s how we do.

On day #2, I did a better job of engaging in the leisure part of leave:

  1. Got up at 2-ish because Baby H was not going to make it until morning without a snack. Growing a baby is so demanding!
  2. Went back to bed!
  3. Got up at 6-ish to make my baby’s daddy’s coffee. (Tuesday is seminar day, so he doesn’t take a lunch. Because he nourishes himself with data and nerdiness, I imagine. I mean, he must, because he never tells me what he does have for lunch and if he went out for lunch, then surely he would report back on the adventure, right?)
  4. Went back to bed!
  5. Received a goodbye kiss from my baby’s daddy.
  6. Got up at 8-ish.
  7. Ate some cereal.
  8. Took a shower.
  9. Dropped my car off with Jim the mechanic for a little proactive check-up and an actually timely oil change and tire rotation.
  10. Got a haircut from a lady who clearly doesn’t know what “Zooey Deschanel bangs” are, but I think it’s still passably cute. Was also told that I must be having a miniature baby (!) which I found to be terribly rude.
  11. Agreed via phone to replace battery in car, at Jim’s suggestion, as it was apparently very weak and was just keeping up appearances with a paper-thin veneer of competence. I mean, what with winter and baby coming, who needs a battery on the brink of a nervous breakdown? (Also: confused Jim briefly because apparently he had two Suzannes with Subarus in the shop today -- what are the odds!!???!!!)
  12. Browsed in a bookstore, where I made two bookish purchases and pondered a onesie purchase, even though we don’t need more onesies. But it was grey with orange writing that said “born to read”! I kind of think my self-control may have been misguidedly overzealous on this one...
  13. Lounged in a coffee shop, drinking a latte and being the last person on the planet to read Girl with a Dragon Tattoo. Also ate a lousy cookie. I actually almost threw half of it away, it was so lousy.
  14. Bought Reese and Puppet two new fancy stuffies to give them as gifts from the new baby. Apparently this is something you do for older siblings?
  15. Did a shoe store walk-thru and realized I wasn’t in the mood.
  16. Browsed in another bookstore, where I found some great used books for Baby H’s library, made a small friend named Angus, played with a pop-up book about firetrucks, talked about trains, and was then complimented by the cashier for my brilliant book selections.
  17. Wandered into a children’s shop where I pondered a onesie with a pretty outrageously terrific cowboy print but weird-feeling fabric, and sat down in the floor-sample glider, which confirmed that it was time for me to go home.
  18. Arrived home to a Puppet with the zoomies and a Reese who wanted to wrassle.
  19. Made jambalaya for dinner, which was not as impressive as it sounds, since the rice came from a box.


  1. Hey! I didn't say I didn't want labor in the office! I only said I wanted to know how to reach Jasper and whether you wanted me to give you a ride to the hospital!! And here I thought I was being helpfully worrisome, when you thought I was being my usual kiddie-phobic self.

  2. Ha! I think it was just that you seemed so nervous -- like it would all happen really fast and there would be grossness and I would become incompetent. Which I completely understood. Drama and bodily fluids -- GROSS. Even though I am sure you would have been helpful and supportive if necessary, labor really doesn't belong in the office.