Sunday, August 14, 2011

26 Weeks

So, yes, I skipped a week. I imagine the suspense is killing you. Our baby is now as long as... wait for it... an English cucumber! Yes, those are the ones that come shrink-wrapped in the grocery store. And no, I have no idea why, but it does bug me too. Is there any other fruit or vegetable that is regularly sold individually shrink-wrapped? I can’t think of one, but admittedly I have only been thinking as long as it’s taken me to type this sentence, and sometimes my thoughts take longer than that.

The other thing about the English cucumber is that it is longer than the “regular” (American?) cucumber. About 14 inches, apparently. Which would explain why Baby H keeps trying to put an addition on my uterus. He seems to think that a small in-law unit off my right side would suit his feets quite nicely.

English cucumber, disrobed:

Meanwhile, I am also growing with great haste. Though, as Jasper says, we’re sort of over the hump with it. Sure, it’s big and all, but the shock value has worn off, and it’s not like the biggest belly we can possibly imagine. (Don’t you think it’s sweet of my husband to point out that my belly isn’t, like, the biggest belly possibly imaginable? The man can lay down a compliment, I tell you what.)

Me (And no, I do not know why it looks like I am standing in a cloud. I so totally wasn't. Hot-pink, point-and-shoot camera, why have you forsaken me?):

We made our first visit to the Babies R Us this week. And we didn’t get panicky. I had brought snacks and water (calming tactic learned from bad experiences at Ikea years ago when I still went to Ikea), but I didn’t even need them! Truthfully, it was not a comprehensive visit. We are getting almost all of our gear handed down from my lovely family, but we needed to check out car seats. Play with the latches and adjustments and that sort of thing. So we did. And then we ordered the car seat we already thought we wanted from Amazon. But we felt so much more confident having done our in-person research! We also picked up some burp cloths and a few blankets and swaddle-mechanisms.

So, swaddling! It’s like the biggest thing! I’ve heard it has something to do with the fact that humans have giant heads and therefore, due to the geometry of the situation, must be born before they are really and truly ready to greet the world. So then we spend several months trying to trick them into believing that, really, the world is just as cozy and terrific as that uterus was! I should read about it, because I am already such a fan of this. And thanks to hand-me-downs, our baby now has access to every configuration of swaddler in all the land. I sure hope he likes being swaddled, because we are geared up to swaddle the heck out of him!

Also this weekend, my Baby Daddy and I are celebrating our anniversary. We reserved the whole weekend, since we have two anniversaries to celebrate! Two years ago, we developed and tested the rum-fueled hypothesis that our Scrabble-and-Thai-food-based friendship might be even better if we also made out. (We were totally right! It was! And this came as so much less of a surprise to me than to him! Isn’t that always the way?) Then one year ago, we got married. Yeah, Jasper doesn’t waste time. And weren’t we so efficient to put our anniversaries only one day apart? Efficiency is the Halekas way.

This celebrating and attentiveness to the passage of time also made us realize that I have been pregnant for roughly half the time we’ve been married. Which surprised us! But you know how it is... once something (e.g. baby-making) goes on the to-do list, it gets done. Or is that not how your world works?

Anyway, back to our anniversary. One year is the paper anniversary. Because our love is flimsy, flammable, and recyclable... I’m guessing? So, our gifts to each other had to be within that realm. I mean, I’m sure they didn’t have to be. I’m sure there aren’t anniversary-gift police ready to crack down on aberrations, but I already knew that I was getting Jasper a paper something and I didn’t want him buying me jewels or something, because then my cleverest gift ever would seem so ungenerous. Yes, I decided I would get for Jasper the cleverest gift ever so many months ago. It hit me and I was delighted to have that all figured out. And how perfect was my idea? I would have a jigsaw puzzle made with one of our wedding pictures on it! (In case I have any readers who are not already aware... Jasper and I are so nerdy! This was a perfect gift!) A few weeks ago I ordered it, and yesterday evening we exchanged packages, because I was too impatient to wait until today. I am such an eager gift-giver. Oh my goodness how I love giving gifts.

Our gifts:

We both got each other jigsaw puzzles. With the exact same picture printed on them. Yes, really. This happened.

I’ll just let you sit with that.

Number of people who have touched the belly: 16
Number of people Baby H kicked and punched for, in the span of one happy hour on Friday night: 4
Number of days, in my dream last night, before Baby H was potty-trained and speaking in complex sentences: 2
Number of swaddlers Baby H will be able to choose from: 12
Number of monkey-themed pajamas in Baby H’s wardrobe: 3

Number of rum-based cocktails I drank at the tiki bar two years ago: uncertain
Number of mocktails I drank at the tiki bar last night: 1
Number of date nights I managed to wrangle for this weekend: 2
Number of footnotes the anniversary card Jasper gave me contained: 1
Number of matching Halekas wedding puzzles that now exist in the world: 2 (and aren’t we all so glad for that?)

Photo of cucumber: Baby Center


  1. OMG. How could 2 years have gone by since Tiki bar night? That's insane! And I can say that the number of rum-based cocktails you drank two years ago was most definitely this number: quite a few.

    And yes. I totally agree that once something makes the to-do list, it should get done. I approve of efficiency. As you already knew, I'm sure.

  2. Wait... that's really crazy you both got each other the exact same gift. Was it from the same company? I can imagine some amusing behind-the-scenes stuff at the jigsaw puzzle factory where two workers discover they're making the same puzzle for two different people.

  3. Victoria, you are absolutely right. Uncertainty in the number of drinks suggests that it was an irresponsible number, but I should have been clear that it was a VERY irresponsible number. And I approve of your efficiency in commenting on this post.

    We did not use the same company, Bret. Though I had the same thought about the puzzle-makers! It sounds like it could be in a romantic comedy, and I LOVE when my life sounds like it could be a romantic comedy.